I admired the mother’s wise way of handling the situation, but I felt that something was missing, so I turned to my husband and asked, “If my daughter was bullied at school, lost a fight, and was bruised and almost disfigured, how would you handle it?”
My husband thought for a long time, there has been no answer, in my repeated questions, he finally answered: “I will take my daughter to find her classmates, and then beat up!”
I asked, “What if the parents of your classmates find out and come looking for you?”
He replied, “Then we’ll fight with his parents again!”
I was dumbfounded, “You’re going to keep fighting with each other! Have you ever thought about what good it will do for your daughter? What will she learn? To use force to solve problems? Or are you going to help her fight for the rest of her life?”
Hubby was silent, and I was deep in thought ……
The husband’s way of handling the situation may be the first reaction of many parents, the instinctive reaction of “protecting the child”, but there is no doubt that this is not a good way to handle the situation.
The way the child’s mother handled the situation was to let the child forgive the other side, to be patient and calm, and to tell the child that this is his upbringing, it’s okay to suffer, to take charge of the problem in a gentlemanly way, to apologize to the other side and shake hands and make peace. She encouraged the child to look at the other side’s strengths, believing that it was not the other side’s fault, but the failure of parental education.
The mother’s handling of the situation was undoubtedly appropriate, but I still have vague concerns.
It was calm and sensible enough, but it felt insensitive. If I were her child, would I feel that my mother was indifferent? The mother’s first reaction after arriving on the scene was not to reassure, but to silence, to let the child take the initiative to show goodwill to the other side, which is too cold and cruel for a young child, especially one who has suffered so much.
Not only for young children, even adults, aggrieved and humiliated, the first thing they want, I’m afraid, is not a calm reasoning analysis, but to feel the warmth of the embrace and love of comfort, is someone to protect their own back, do their strongest rely on, this may be the most reassuring source of security.
If I were the child’s mother, I would first tell the child, “Mommy is here, don’t be afraid, mommy will always be your safest reliance, I will protect you even if I fight for my life.” I would give her a solid embrace to reassure her.
I will also tell my child: “You’re right, you just protected yourself in your own way, a lot of tolerance does not gain the respect of others, fighting even if you lose the fight is a kind of bravery and strength, so that others feel that they are not easy to bully. We don’t get into trouble, but we’re not afraid of it either!”
Finally, I would tell my child, “You have to analyze the reasons why this happened to you so that you can really grow. ”
What each experience brings us is not to judge ourselves or the other person, not to remember success or failure, profit or loss, but to learn something from the experience.
So what should my child learn from losing a fight?
First of all, you didn’t recognize your opponent very well. There are all kinds of people in the world, some of whom you can trust as friends, some of whom you can idolize and learn from, and some of whom you can only treat as strangers and stay away from. For bad character, wrong-minded and poisonous means of people, we do not respond, just like the road encounter mad dog, must quickly flee or seek help, was bitten can not want revenge to bite back a bite, that will make you also become a mad dog. Often compete with fellow good, not with the fool on the short and long, away from the trash people, is to stop in time.
Second, if you are betrayed and bullied, it is not your fault, and not everyone will do this to you. These people are good by nature, but unfortunately blinded by experience, you should give mercy, because they will always be retributed and get the lesson they deserve, but not necessarily you to give them a lesson, you just need to be responsible for your own growth, you just need to forgive and fade away, to cherish those who are really good to you.
Finally, if you really want to protect yourself and later protect those around you, you have to learn to make yourself strong, strong enough to have a deterrent effect on others – just like China invented nuclear weapons not to go bully anyone, but to warn others not to come bully me. The strongest powerful, not to win a fight, but to make others simply dare not fight with you. This requires you to have a lot of capital, physical quality of the capital, social status of the capital, money strength of the capital, etc., but most importantly, we need to improve the filter our circle – when we have the ability to access to high-end hotels, we will not encounter the ground hooligans. We have to be with people of good character and high level of quality and culture.
Of course, I can’t protect my daughter for the rest of her life, so I want her to learn to protect herself, to be calm and relaxed when things go wrong, and not to forget to think and grow at any time; I want her to be kind and gentle, but also to bring her own edge, to shield herself from those unnecessary twists and turns and hardships; I want her to get along well with others, but definitely not to be a “good guy” To cater to please others, to have the wisdom to know people, but also to have a firm self, sober to be themselves.
There are always all kinds of people in this world, we can’t control others, we can only be ourselves.
