Parents should pay attention to their children for abnormal behaviors, such as:
1. The child immediately becomes depressed or defensive at the mention of a name
2. The child actively says that someone is spreading malicious rumors about him
3.The child is less often invited by classmates recently
4.Friends he used to hang out with are less frequent, and he participates in fewer activities
5. The child begins to refuse to participate in activities, does not want to go to school, and is afraid of talking about someone or saying bad things about him.
Whichever of the above situations occurs, it is a sign that the child is having trouble with peers and may be rejected or not accepted.
When faced with these, parents need to focus on prevention. The first step is to set an example by not bad-mouthing or rejecting others at home themselves. Parents should first reflect on their own behavior and discipline themselves. Parents are the originals and children are the copies. Children will learn some habits from their parents, and only if parents themselves take the lead, children will learn good habits and learn to be accepting and tolerant through continuous influence.
In addition, parents need to know more about their children’s after-school life, which cliques they join. If he is rejected by a clique, we need to respond quickly. Find out if your child is being bullied, if he is not accepted by his peers because of a lack of harmony in his personality or inappropriate personal behavior and speech? Inability to fit into a small group? Helping children resolve conflicts and contradictions, learn how to get along with others, seek common ground while reserving differences, and treat people with tolerance and openness is the basis for building good relationships.
We can be sensitive to when our children are depressed and upset. Returning to emotional processing skills, we help our children deal with their emotions by using active listening: describing events, guessing how our children feel, expressing empathy, which means learning to empathize, so that our children can open up and we can face difficulties and setbacks together, shoulder to shoulder with our children. Parents’ emotional control is also critical, we must first learn to deal with ourselves, in order to help children recognize emotions, out of the emotional valley. After all, emotions are not good or bad, and negative emotions also have a positive side.
Parents and children shoulder does not mean that together with the child to denigrate his friends, not to mention criticize the child, can not blame his behavior, which will only make the child more reluctant to communicate with us, blocking the emotional link between each other. The way we deal with problems is what our children are always learning to imitate. This is the so-called family style, right?
What if my child is rejected? The worst thing is that parents don’t pay attention to their children and have no way to understand their subtle changes. The worst thing is that parents pretend not to know, thinking that “big things will be small and small things will be fine”. Sadly, my family of origin is like this, my father is the “peacemaker”, everything to peace, my mother only lives in her own world, rarely pay attention to my needs, not to mention timely detection of my emotional changes, even if found only to criticize and blame me, let me bear all the fault. In order to make myself less hurt, I prefer to keep to myself, try not to join small groups, and in small groups are also dispensable existence, try not to confront people head-on. I have always been the “good girl” image, God knows how painfully helpless, lost, fearful, I always live in fear, afraid of accidentally offend someone. Fortunately, I was never bullied, but I never shone either, because I had reduced myself to a point.
After studying, I began to awaken, calling out that I wanted to be present, that I wanted to be loved, that I wanted to be understood and respected. There was a wounded child inside me, and I learned to heal myself as I grew with my child. To turn myself into light, to love people, to be grateful for all the encounters. My children are very confident and sunny because I know what kind of support they need. When they occasionally have emotions and occasionally want to talk about others, I always ask them to learn to think differently, to be more understanding and accepting, and to allow others to be different from themselves.
Be kind to others, be the best you can be, be a luminary yourself, bring love and always be grateful. Treat your child’s affairs, you can’t ask about everything, and you can’t ignore it, and you can discover subtle changes in your child in time, and give him emotional support when he has mood swings. It is not easy to help him integrate into a small group. As parents, we must set an example by speaking and behaving with integrity and justice, thinking more about our own faults when we are quiet and not discussing others’ faults when we are idle.
