Almost a month into the new semester, most kindergarteners have adapted to group life and started to play together in twos and threes, but there are always individual children who have been unable to integrate into their peer groups and have not found friends so far, and they look like they are wandering away from school every day, making their mothers very anxious: Is there any way to help her make friends? The following are the different causes of children’s inability to make friends to talk about countermeasures.
A. Congenital temperament leads to “loss of group”
Some children can not make friends, not because they do not want to interact, and not because they have any unwelcome problems, but because the personality is too introverted, slow, for example, happens to be one of the four temperament types of depression or mucus, although rich in internal experience, but do not have the courage to come up and take the initiative to interact with others, or often take longer to enter the state, if you do not know how to ask for help, you will be left alone.
If your child is in this situation, parents must fully understand and accept your child, and never judge him or her for it, saying things like, “Look, other kids are having fun, why are you the only one who has no one to talk to?” “What’s so hard about making friends? When you see them playing together, just go over and say hello” and so on, because the easier parents look at this matter, the more lightly, the child will be more inferior, think they can not do such a simple thing, really stupid, and less courage to go out.
The right approach is to respect the child’s tendency to introvert and retreat, and give the child time to adapt. At first, you can quietly help your child find a buddy who lives close to him (or even find a familiar child to join him at the beginning of the school year), or ask the teacher to help you greet an outgoing child and invite him to play with you, so that your child will have the successful experience of finding a friend and will no longer feel different. It is worth noting that for this type of children, it is important to have a good understanding of the relationship.
It is important to note that parents and teachers should pay attention to giving positive feedback to these children so that they have the opportunity to build up their inner strength, and when their inner strength has accumulated to a certain level, their courage to interact may come.
Inadequate communication skills lead to “out-of-group”
Some children can’t make friends because they don’t have enough interaction skills, they don’t know how to start a relationship, or they don’t know how to be friendly with their friends. For example, if you want to play with a toy that another child is playing with, you don’t know how to discuss it with others, but come up and grab it. In this case, making friends may become very difficult.
If this is the case, parents may wish to consciously strengthen the education of interaction skills in the daily parenting process, for example, often read with her on the theme of interaction picture books, such as “Lilliput find a good friend” to help children learn to start interaction skills, but do not take the opportunity to teach children when reading, so as not to counterproductive, children if the main character in the picture book to identify with. If children identify with the main characters in the picture books, they will naturally imitate them and adjust their own interaction behavior. For example, to address the problems that children often have in kindergarten with children, role-play at home, let the child play the role of the child he hurt, learn to think differently, and then adjust their own interaction skills, to win friends for themselves.
Frustrating experiences lead to “out-of-group”
Some children are unable to make friends because they have had frustrating experiences with interactions, such as being rejected for initiating interactions or being hurt by the children they play with, thus creating a psychological shadow and avoidance tendency for interactions. You’d rather play by yourself than with other little ones.
If your child is in this situation, parents should find ways to eliminate his psychological barriers to interaction, so that he has the opportunity to experience the joy of interaction, no longer afraid of rejection or injury. Parents can start by taking their children to play with their cousins or neighbors, guiding them to realize that not all children will hurt them, and then encouraging them to slowly expand the scope of their interactions. If your child is still a little withdrawn from kindergarten interactions, you may want to agree on some small, specific goals with your child and supplement them with some encouragement. For example, for the first week, if your child can make a friend, reward him with a toy he wants to buy or something like that. Then gradually increase the frequency of friendships required. Of course the whole process can be randomly directed to focus on the positive elements of the interaction, for example, ask your child when you get home: Did you have anything fun to share when you played with your friends today? Direct your child’s attention to the joy of interaction.
In conclusion, there are a variety of possible reasons behind a child’s inability to make friends, the three mentioned above, but it is likely that there are more specific situations in reality, and as long as parents are willing to observe carefully and listen to their children well, it is possible to better solve the problem.
