I have always cautioned parents that the education, rules and values of children are best guided by the age of 12, which is before the elementary school years.
If parents do not invest their hearts, try their best to accompany their children, and invest their intellectual and emotional support in their children during the elementary school stage, and do not develop good behavior and study habits. Then it is almost impossible for parents to invest their energy in accompanying, correcting, and educating and guiding their children after they are over 12 years old, or after they enter junior high school.
As we all know, children nowadays are basically entering puberty around the age of 12. Adolescence is a period of growth for children, and it is also a period of pain in the parent-child relationship between parents and children.
During this period, as children’s sense of independence, autonomy and equality grows, they urgently need to break free from their parents to manifest their independent will. So, at this time you will find that coercion, authority, reasoning, etc. almost does not work for them, parents have to talk to them “carefully”, otherwise, they are likely to give you a “face”, or confront you.
At this time, parents still want to discipline him as in elementary school, forcing him to form certain habits and concepts, is tantamount to asking for pain or discomfort. At this time, parents and children must guard the boundaries between each other, careful and equal communication, mutual respect, and reach a consensus.
Before the age of 12, children have basically not yet formed a sense of independence and boundaries. At this time, whether the rules are enforced on them, or their values, behaviors, habits, guidance and shaping of the spiritual world are the most effective and easiest to achieve.
Plato said, “The beginning is the most important thing in a person’s life.” In the same way, the beginning of a person’s life, that is, the education in early childhood and elementary school, is also the most important. The family education in early childhood and elementary school is the most important in terms of companionship, guidance, intellectual support and emotional investment.
In my son’s case, he was very obedient at the elementary school level. Of course, my home education for him has both authoritative guidance and a democratic, respectful, tolerant, and encouraging family culture.
In the process of my accompanying, guiding, and educating him, he basically formed good study habits such as being down-to-earth, conscientious, and self-aware. Before he entered middle school, I was confident that my son would listen to me as much as ever after he entered middle school. Moreover, my relationship with him as a father and son, as well as my pattern of getting along with him in elementary school, is still basically harmonious.
In elementary school, there was little conflict between my son and I. Sometimes we had some disagreements on some issues, but we were able to resolve them well, which means that my son listened to me in elementary school.
When I entered junior high school, I found that my son was not so “obedient” anymore. For example, in elementary school, when he wrote an essay and I asked him to show it to me, he was usually happy to bring it to me, and sometimes I would even give him a few pointers. When I asked him to show me his essay after he wrote it in junior high school, he was not so happy. After a few times, I realized the boundary between us, so I just turned a blind eye to it.
There were many other things like this, and there were no major conflicts between me and my son. But I immediately realized that it would not work for me to tell him what to do in front of him, as I did in elementary school.
Between us, despite my reluctance, I had to start communicating and talking with him on an equal footing to reach a consensus, otherwise, it would be a father-son injury. The good thing is that he has developed some better study habits in elementary school, his spirit and values are positive and upwardly mobile, he is more conscious in his studies, and basically he didn’t let me worry about anything, so I was relieved.
From this, I deeply feel that timely companionship, educational guidance, intellectual support, and emotional investment in children during the elementary school years are so important to their lifelong growth.
If you miss this stage, it is basically futile to try to guide and educate your child. If you miss this stage, you may have missed your child’s life.
